I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
