saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
