I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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