My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
