My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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