I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
