he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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