ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
