Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
