sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
