I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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