the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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