Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
