Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
