I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
