I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
