Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
