Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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