You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
