Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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