sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
