i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
