So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
