WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
