Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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