her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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