I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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