I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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