You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
