u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
