your parents love me but you hate me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
