I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
