yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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