new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
