Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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