Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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