P.S. I can't hear my feet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
