i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
