he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
