My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
God, I missed his penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
