There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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