can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
