If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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