It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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