just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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