just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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