I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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