dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
