Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
