I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
