Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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