And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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