he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
