So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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