She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
pray to the hookup gods
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
