Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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