so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
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